The Invitation
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
I came across this poem late last year, soon after I announced to my dear wife that I needed to leave her to embrace my real self. I thought it was about time to post it on my blog, since it so radically impacted the way I see myself.
This poem still speaks to me, but maybe not in the same way. While I still believe in being authentic, in being true to yourself, I’m still no clearer about what that means. The line that says, “I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,” maybe could say, “I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to the truth.” At least that would open it up to the possibility of that there is some greater truth in life than what I know and what I experience. On the other hand, the truth that I am gay and am unlikely to change is very obvious to me, and I see no point in denying it, or belittling the fact by calling it “same-gender attraction.”
Not sure where I am going with this… I feel melancholy… I want life to be easy…
I just spent an hour looking at soft porn on youtube – a waste of time, maybe. A giving in to my desire to be titillated, maybe. But I still see it somehow as a recognition of who I am, sinful though it may be…
July 17, 2008 at 6:23 am
WOW,
thanks for posting this, I can see why it had an impact upon your life….
There is certainly a lot in this poem for us to think about.
Thanks.
Q.
July 18, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Great post! Thanks for being so authentic. It really touched me.
I love your comments of “I want life to be easy” and the recognition of who you are “sinful though it may be”.
Hang in there. Truth always frees us. It’s the path to get there that seems so winding.
July 26, 2008 at 2:12 pm
I just stumbled across your blog via another blog and really like it. As a gay man myself, I know the struggles that you are going through. Albeit, not all of them – I’m out and have never been married with kids – but the struggle with sexuality, that is. One thing that might put a little more perspective in relation to God that helped me was this:
Nothing in God’s kingdom is by accident. Everything is as it should be. We are all made in his image, and my God is not a vengeful God. We are all his children and he loves me, a gay man, just as he does anyone else. For me to believe anything other than that is not in accordance with him.
I look forward to reading more of your posts and I hope that helped a little.
August 3, 2008 at 9:06 am
If “be true to yourself” means you have to sin and leave a wake of pain for others in your path, then it is just a mask for “do what you feel like.” Most men long for more than what they have, whether it be for another woman or a man. You will not find what you are looking for in this pursuit. I read the autobiographies of Mel White and Troy Perry. I am astounded how these men can be held up as models of liberation considering the devastation they caused in their families, the wives that they left, the vows that they broke, the men they used as sex toys, the male prostitutes they called “a gift from God” and the how they have sought to justify their actions while wearing a clerical collar.
What you thirst for won’t be found in having sex with another man. It will feel good for a season, but then leave you empty again. I know how you FEEL, but my feelings don’t determine my actions.
I hope you will reconsider the choices you are making.
August 22, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Yes, quin, I thought this might touch you in some way… it’s up there with “a life lived in fear is a life half lived”
Blogger, thanks… your blog always shows the man of integrity you wish to be. Your posts always seem to inspire me in some way
Stephen and Rik, thanks for sharing your perspectives. Both are views that I have tried on at times. There’s valid reasons for holding both these positions, opposing though they may be.
Rik, I struggle to see God’s leading in the lives of Troy Perry and Mel White, too. And I could add Anthony Venn-Brown to that list. But I also can’t help but glimpse the Holy Spirit in Michael Bussee, Justin Cannon, and others.
Regarding “being true to myself” – I am true to myself when I can be the most honest with myself – which means being honest about my attractions, being truthful about my feelings, and being faithful to my Christian faith.
You are right, Rik, that this poem once helped me move towards more selfish choices. But as I think about it, I can see this poem drawing me back towards my family… I think I will explore that more in another comment, another day.