An online friend recently suggested I read the book Conquering the Dragon Within by Marvin Moore. I haven’t read it, and I’m not sure if I will. Over the last few years I’ve read numerous books on conquering sinful patterns of thinking/behaviour, including Neil Anderson’s books, Francis Frangipane’s Three Battlegrounds, Beth Moore’s Praying God’s Word and Breaking Free, Russell Willingham’s Breaking Free

Somehow these books didn’t seem to give me the clues I needed… How does one change the way he thinks? How, indeed, do you renew your mind?

I got to the point last year where I decided that I needed to try something different, since what I’d been doing for 20-odd years wasn’t working, and there really seemed to be nothing revolutionary in the latest batch of Christian writers writing about victory over sin. Why should I expect to keep doing the same old stuff – reading the Bible through a conservative/fundamentalist/holiness lens and praying formulaic prayers – and expect different results?

So it was time to try a different approach. I started taking a serious look at emergent/liberal theologies. That’s went I started exploring the possibility that my sexual orientation was not in itself a problem… my problem was that I couldn’t accept it, and I had no moral or spiritual framework with which to live with this orientation.

That being said, Marvin Moore’s book does sound like it could be helpful. From his description he seems to follow a 12-step approach. You may be surprised to know that empirical research has tried and failed repeatedly to prove that the 12-step approach works for alcoholics… I still think the approach has merit, as anecdotal evidence for its power is strong. One of the keys to the 12-step approach is to admit to one’s self that he/she is an alcoholic. So, it seems reasonable that in accepting myself as a homosexual, I began to break some of the addictive patterns of behaviour that characterized me when I was in denial of who I was.

At this point in my journey, it seems important for me to accept that my homosexual orientation is not the problem. The problem is what to do with it. How can I make peace with my homosexual orientation? I can respond to this “problem” in sinful ways (as I have in the past, with infidelity, etc) or I can seek to respond to it in a morally acceptable way. My journey now is one of trying to figure out what that way is.

 

Anything in life that we don’t accept will simply make trouble for us until we make peace with it.

               – Shakti Gawain
 

 

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