While I have, of course, “struggled” with my sexuality for about 25 years, it has really only been in the last year that I have felt compelled to truly embrace who I am. When I started blogging about this in March of this year, I initially titled my blog “through the storm,” realizing that, whatever the outcome of this journey, it certainly felt like living through a storm. As a man of faith, I imagine myself in the disciples’ boat, with Jesus sleeping in the bow as a mighty storm whips up the waves in the sea.

 

I remain in this storm… but it seems to have taken on a different nature. I no longer feel so alone. I no longer feel I need to be silent. Jesus still sleeps, but the presence of God is yet a common feeling and powerful reality for me. I know that He is in control, even when the questions keep coming, the anger in me rises repeatedly, and the doubts loom larger than my faith.

 

I have lots of questions.

 

How can I be real? How can I be truly honest? I am being honest with myself. But I still have fear that if I am totally honest with my wife that that would be like giving in, and saying goodbye to my marriage and my family, which I truly value. I admire Casey for the honesty with which he is proceeding.

 

Reflecting on my previous post, I wonder why I was so taken by Jim Lyon’s sermon? There really was nothing new there – nothing that I hadn’t considered before. I still have questions about why we Christians want to take the whole Bible so seriously, when the truth is we all pick and choose which parts of it we want to follow.

My big question is about this scripture: But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust. (I Corinthians 7:9). First of all, I don’t really believe Paul had an understanding of homosexuality as we do today. He saw it as unnatural – Romans 1 proves this. In a sense I see it as unnatural too, in that it was not part of God’s original design. But then, nor do I believe that physical blindness or paralysis or arthritis were part of His original design. Just as diseases and physical imperfections were part of the fall, so is homosexuality. We have learned that homosexuality can no more be “cured”, than can blindness. Sure, there are some cases where miracles or medicine or both have cured blindness, and I believe that in some cases miracles or psychotherapy have changed homosexuals to heterosexuals. But for most of us – as for most blind persons – our sexual orientation seems to be immutable. So, lets assume Paul gained an understanding of homosexuality as we understand it today – as a fixed orientation that is both unchosen and immutable. What would he say to homosexuals in a similar predicament to the heterosexuals mentioned in 1 Corinthians? Would he not give them similar advice? What would Paul say to gay men and women today? I find it hard to believe that he would have been as judgmental as he comes across in the scriptures.

I guess one big question per post is enough…

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