I heard this story today… it so describes how many of us (particularly gay Christians) live.

On meeting a student on the road to Mecca the fabled Sufi teacher, Mulla Nasrudin, was greeted and asked:
“How are you, Mulla?”
“Perfectly, thank you. I’m travelling incognito” answered Nasrudin.
“Oh! As what are you disguised?”
“I am disguised as myself”
“Don’t be silly. That’s no disguise. That’s what you are!”
“On the contrary, it must be a very good disguise, for I see it has fooled you completely.”

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Last night we went to a pro-life dinner in a nearby town. The speaker was a woman who had had an abortion when she was 15, following a date rape. After her abortion she lived very promiscuously, and a subsequent STD caused significant damage to her reproductive system. Years later, when she was married, she lost a child because of this damage. She was then unable to have children. She talked about her journey of coming to terms with her past and learning to regret her abortion, and the emotional healing that followed. She said some things that really made me think:

1. She talked about her husband’s faithfulness, even when she was impossible to live with. She was violent and unstable, but marriage was a sacrament, so he stuck with her through the tough stuff and the infertility. If I started to see marriage as sacrament, would that enable me to gladly stay in the marriage I am in? (If any of you have anything to say about marriage as sacrament, I’d like to hear your views!)

2. Fertility… a gift from God… part of God’s design for sexuality. At first, I was thinking that she was saying that the purpose of sex is to reproduce (a classic argument against homosexuality). But, no, she was simply saying that fertility is a part of God’s design for sex. Fertility was the gift she had abused… Are we also guilty, as gay men and women, guilty of abusing the gift of fertility, I wondered? (Again, I imagine some of you have some thoughts on this.)

3. She talked about her failure (my word, not hers) as a mother. She failed to put her children first, and they lost their lives as a result. And so I wonder, if I put my own authenticity/sexual fulfilment first, then am i neglecting my children? Or am I simply being honest with them? … What would the consequences be for my kids if I left my wife and really came out as a gay man?